I probably shouldn’t be writing a blog post when I’m pissed off, but I want to be real. If you’re easily offended please don’t read on. I’m more appropriate in my other posts.
Do you ever feel like you try so hard, yet never get anywhere?
Do you ever give it your all only to have the door slammed in your face?
Do you ever want people to truly see all your wonderful potential you know you have inside?
(Do you believe in coincidences? The Breathing App on my phone just chirped up, alerting me I need to take some deep breathes. How perfectly timed you are, Breathing App. I do feel hot and bothered and sad and needing to breathe right now. How did you know? How did you know?!)
When I’m down, my tendency is to veer towards extremes. AKA I feel like I never get anywhere, that doors are always slammed in my face, and that no one sees my potential. This is where the deep breath does calm me and I can acknowledge that this is not always true. Still, the pain of the present lingers.
What is it that has me so worked-up you ask?
I have been applying to a certain writer-in-residence position for about six or seven consecutive years. It is a dream job for me. Out of all those applications, I’ve been interviewed twice.
After being interviewed earlier this week, I just got the call that I again did not get the position. I know this is not the end of my world, but I need to vent and cry and be sad for a little while.
In my journey learning about self-care, I know that this stage is necessary. Its a stage where mourning is needed. If I wasn’t heartbroken about not getting picked for this job, it would be a clear sign that it didn’t matter that much to me. The truth is: It matters to me a whole lot.
Fawkes, Albus Dumbledore’s bird
I am a “Never give up” kind of person, and I won’t give up. Not now, not ever. My dreams bring me joy, even on the hardest days. Even when I feel I have done everything I can do and still it’s not enough. I will be sad for now, then I will rise like the Phoenix (I imagine this like Dumbledore’s bird in Harry Potter)… And now I feel like watching Harry Potter!
What do you do when you are down?
How do you pull yourself up?
This reminds me of the underdog concept (or is it a state of being?).
I always cheer for the underdog, how about you?
As a reality TV fan, no matter the show – Survivor, Big Brother, Amazing Race – I always root for the person or team that is on the outs, that has the odds stacked against them. This is reminiscent of the “Hero’s Journey” pattern in literature and movies.
This also reminds me of my own books, specifically my fantasy novels which I’m in the middle of releasing with my publisher SparkPress. My novels in The 8th Island Trilogy are full of underdogs! They each have their challenges and obstacles. The books follow three unlikely heroes – Ella, Tessa, and Archie – who make up one dysfunctional family. Together they battle monsters and natural elements. They battle the demons they hold inside – fears, history, and flaws. New roadblocks leap up in their way.
Even as the writer – who knows how the trilogy ends – I still find myself rooting for my main characters. They are the ultimate underdogs.
I was listening to Pink the other day and her song called “Raise your Glass” came on and I was like:
The song is an ode to not fitting in, to “being wrong,” and “too school for cool.”
I turned up the volume and sang along! It’s an anthem for the underdog – for Ella, Tessa, and Archie, and for ME too!!
AND FOR YOU!
I want to leave you with these lyrics today… but first:
Already, I feel better. Writing and expressing my feelings has helped. I feel pumped-up after re-reading Pink’s lyrics, which have given me a fresh burst of energy and optimism!
Yes, sometimes things ROYALLY SUCK, and we need to feel all the feelings.
That’s step one.
Step two is developing my favorite attitude. It says: “You don’t think I can do something? WELL, WATCH ME!!”
I developed this phrase in my head many years ago, and repeat it frequently as a mantra.
The life of an artist and writer is HARD and full of REJECTION. It can be so hard sometimes that people who are called to careers in the arts give up and only pursue their creativity as a side hobby (there’s nothing wrong with art as a hobby BTW, just that we shouldn’t give up when things get hard). I suspect that’s why many people I graduated with from our Bachelor of Fine Arts degrees (in visual art) now work in other fields. Same as my peers who graduated with me from our Master of Fine Arts program (creative writing).
Not me. I may need a good cry and to vent now and then, BUT:
I refuse to give up.
When the doors slam, I reply in my head: “You don’t think I can do it? WATCH ME!!”
Then I go out and do it!
I think underdogs are the best kind of people!
We are cool in the best ways.
We build our resiliency by facing the tough stuff head on.
We get knocked down, but we always get back up.
We have kick-ass stories to tell of all our overcoming – because we do ultimately overcome – with tales of adversity and obstacles, but also successes and victories.
We are the heroes on the “Hero’s Journey”!!
Our time will come.
I have faith.
Today may suck, but tomorrow will be glorious!!!